


Be Still and Know (That I'm With You)

by bellarkegriffin_blake



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Clarke is done, Depression, Everything is the same up to the end, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Season/Series 06, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, im terrible with tags, octavia is alive, raven and echo are bitchy, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-24
Updated: 2019-12-15
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:01:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21548773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bellarkegriffin_blake/pseuds/bellarkegriffin_blake
Summary: 1 week after the Primes are defeated, Clarke tries to understand what peace is. But, the people who she thought had started to forgive her are still acting like she's the enemy. She decides enough is enough and ends their pain and worries about her.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Bellamy Blake/Echo, Emori/John Murphy (The 100)
Comments: 28
Kudos: 306





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is canon all the way up to the Bellarke reunion at the end of the finale. I didn't add the Octavia and Anomaly bit because 1) I wanted to focus on Clarke and 2) Because I am not prepared to write anything about the Anomaly or what it could be like. I also know that Echo and Raven did sort of make up with Clarke, but that one hug and that one talk after Abby died wasn't enough. There needed to be more anger between them. And Bellamy needs to get his head out of his ass and tell Clarke how he feels.

Clarke has never known peace. From the day they landed on Earth, they have been in constant battle with someone. But now? It’s been a week since the Primes were taken down and there is nobody left to fight. She knows she should be relieved, but that weight on her shoulders still hasn’t lifted. It is grinding her farther into the ground and Clarke can’t figure out why. 

After her talk with Bellamy when they returned from space, he stuck to her side as if they were super-glued together. When the people of Sanctum wanted to talk to Clarke, as their leader, Bellamy wouldn’t leave. _Together_ , he’d said. She thought that this might be the beginning of something. That they can breathe easier because they are both here and together and everything will work out.  
It hasn’t. 

It’s as if someone has poured acetone between them, effectively dissolving their bond. The first couple days were smooth, but then he was needed in other places by other people. People she knew didn’t want to see her. Clarke tells herself that he will come back. He always has and always will. But how long can she wait? 

She sits in the pub alone, a sandwich in front of her begging to be eaten. She stares it knowing she needs to eat, but she can’t. Clarke hasn’t been able to since Bellamy left. Since her mom died. Since Madi has been spending all her time with Raven. She picks up the food, takes a bite, and fights the urge to spit it back out. It tastes like ash. 

“That bad?” a voice asks from behind. She doesn’t need to turn around to know it’s Murphy. She doesn’t know why he was the first to forgive her. Even more, she has no clue why she forgave him first, after Bellamy of course. Whatever it was, it’s nice to have someone on her side for once. 

“I’m not hungry,” she tells him. 

“I bet you’ve been saying that for days. You don’t look great.” 

“Gee, thanks,” she says. 

“I just mean you should eat. Sleep. At least try to get better.” 

“You say that like it’s easy.” Her voice comes out harder than she intends, but she wants to be alone and he can’t make her feel better. 

“It’s not, I know. But I think--” 

“Murphy, go. I don’t need anything from you, and nobody needs anything from me.” Clarke refuses to cry, but the pressure behind her eyes continues to build. It takes everything to keep the tears from surfacing. 

He sighs and gives her sad eyes. “Fine, but we need you Clarke. Everyone does, whether they know it or not.” 

She opens her mouth to yell at him again, but he walks away before she can. The weight on her shoulders presses down further. How can she push away the one person that has bothered to care about her well-being? 

The next day, Clarke decides to walk around the grounds. Everything is so bright and clean since the damages were cleaned up. It’s like it was wiped clean of the bloodshed and deceit. Clarke knows better, though. She knows that the bodies can be taken away, but their memories are never gone. The ghosts of these people are added to ones already on her conscience. 

Clarke spots Madi walking with Raven and Echo up the street and decides to try her luck at joining them. How bad can it be? 

“Hey, guys. What are you up to?” Clarke’s voice is foreign to herself, but she hopes the others don’t pick up on it. 

When the older girls give her blank stares, Madi pipes up saying, “Um, we were going to check out the training area. Echo is going to teach me to fight.” 

“And why do you need to fight?” Clarke’s heart starts beating uncontrollably and feels lightheaded. “There is no one to fight. What about school?” 

“School doesn’t start for a while,” Raven says at the same time Echo grumbles, “Everyone needs to learn how to fight.” 

Now her blood boils. “Not when they are twelve years old! She should be making friends or--” 

“Please, mom?” Madi takes her hand and gives her a squeeze. 

“She will be fine, Clarke,” Raven assures her. 

Against every cell in her body and every thought in her head, she surrenders. “Fine. Be careful.” She gives her a quick kiss on the crown of her head and walks away. Murphy was wrong. Nobody needs her. 

Clarke is sitting at the bar, on her fifth martini, when Octavia walks up to her. They haven’t really talked since they opened the bunker, so she isn’t sure how this is going to go. The alcohol in her system isn’t helping either. 

“How’s it going, Clarke?” Octavia asks sounding slightly intimidated. Clarke knows Octavia is the only other person that probably feels anything close to what she does. 

“Howwsit goin??” She laughs into her glass before finishing it off and motioning for another. “I’m fantastic! I’ve had sssome drinkss and I’m feelin’ a little light at the moment.” 

“Alright, let’s get you to your room,” Octavia huffs. “Time for bed.” 

“But I have another drink coming!” 

“No, you don’t. Let’s go.” She slings one of Clarke’s arms over her should and secures her waist as she walks her to her room. Once they arrive, Clarke slumps over her covers, tossed there by the other girl. She lays there, but as Octavia starts to leave, Clarke grabs her wrist. 

“Why won’t anyone talk to me? I thought we were on our way up. Echo hugged me, as weird as that was. And Raven and I spoke a little. I thought it was getting better.”  
“It takes time. Trust me, I would know. People still walk away when I approach them or pretend to listen to what I’m saying.” 

“Have you ever thought about ending it? Like, what’s the point anymore?” 

“Clarke, don’t talk like that. You have people who love you. They may not show it now, but they do.” 

“Bellamy doesn’t. He has barely spoken to me since the battle ended. He clearly has other priorities over me. And that’s his right! He had a family in space and they are still here. Mine is gone. I have no one...” she breathes out the last sentence like all the fight leaves her body. 

Octavia sits down next to Clarke’s outstretched body, back turned to her. “Look, I’m going to tell you something. It’s something someone as smart as you should have figured out years ago. Bellamy is completely in love with you. I mean, everything he ever did was for me until we landed on Earth. And even though he always called you a pain in his ass, he never would have let anything happen to you. He loves you so much.” 

Octavia turns around expecting to see Clarke’s confused or maybe surprised face but finds her fast asleep instead. She blows out a breath from the bottom of her lungs. 

“Well, this is probably for the best anyways. He would kill me if you found out this way.” She places a blanket on top of her and pillow under her head. “It’s about time he tells you himself, anyways. Sweet dreams, Clarke.” Then she walks out to let Clarke sleep. 

Clarke wakes up with a killer headache and the urge crack her entire spine. She must not have moved all night. 

“How did I even get here?” she asks aloud. She changes into some sweatpants and a baggy sweatshirt and makes her way downstairs. She finds Bellamy sitting at a table with Echo, Raven, Madi, Murphy, and Emori. Before they see her, though, she darts in the opposite direction. Her head spikes in pain at the sight of Bellamy, but she’s not sure why. Hopefully she didn’t do anything last night that her head is suddenly reminding her of. 

She doesn’t even know where she is heading when she exits the building, but a loud, “Clarke!” stops her in her tracks. Slowly, she turns, and watches Bellamy stride up to her. “Where are you going?” 

“Oh! I’m, uh-” 

“You’ve been disappearing lately. Anything you want to talk about?” Bellamy’s eyes are drilling into hers and she can barely contain herself from jumping into his arms. She knows he wouldn’t mind, but from the way Echo is staring her down from the doorway, the action isn’t welcome. Clarke just wants to be held again. 

“No, I’m fine. I was just going for a walk.” 

He walks a couple steps closer. They are only two feet apart, probably giving her space to talk and not be heard by passersby. “Are you sure?” The low rumble of his voice resonates in her chest. 

“Yeah. Go back to your family, Bellamy. They are more important than I ever will be.” Clarke regrets saying it the second it leaves her mouth, but she can’t take it back now.  
“Clarke...” He gently takes her hand, but a different one grips his elbow from behind. Suddenly Echo is at his side smiling at him like there is nothing wrong. 

“Hey, we were about to discuss when to start building our own section of housing, so we need you to come back.” 

Clarke slides her hand out of his and tells him, “Go on, they need you. I will be around.” 

“Don’t be a stranger, Clarke.” He turns away to head back in with his girlfriend on his arm like they are from the old, proper days. 

She wants to be happy for Bellamy. She really does. Whenever she thinks about him, though, a pang of jealousy towards Echo courses through her. She depended on him for so long, the last six years not even knowing if he was alive. And then he comes back and he was finally home. They were in the same place together again. Six years is a long time, but she never expected him to return to her taken. And it hurt. 

After what seems like an eternity of walking around, memorizing each trail and way out of Sanctum, she heads back to her room. When she opens the door, she hears loud voices coming from a table on the other side of the stairs. 

Clarke is about to go up when the voices become familiar. “It’s like wherever she goes, he follows her!” Echo. 

“They have a history, most of which you have seen. And you know how he was the first few years on the Ring.” Murphy. 

“Not helping, dude. Besides, all the hard choices are over. We are at peace, and Bellamy can handle what needs to happen diplomatically.” Raven. When she was done, her heart took residence in the bottom of her stomach. They were talking about her. _And how they don’t need her._

Echo speaks again saying, “She has done a lot for us, but after what happened in the Valley, I don’t understand how we can forgive her.” 

“I know she did what she thought was best, but she is dangerous. I think she needs to lay low and let us take care of things. We don’t heed her at the moment,” Raven admits. 

That’s it, she can’t take it anymore. As quietly as possible, she sneaks up the stairs, and holds her breath so no one hears her crying. Before she opens her door, she takes one last glance down at the group. Echo and Raven’s backs are to her, but Murphy catches her eyes. He stares her down and realizes she heard everything they just said. Clarke goes in her room and slides down the door, her tears soaking her cheeks. 

In a low, angry voice, Murphy growls at the two girls in front of him, “Are you serious right now? Echo, if anything, you are the one that needs forgiveness from Clarke! You have tried to kill her multiple times and the one time she does something for her daughter instead of the people she thought loved her, she is considered a bad person? Stop mistaking your jealousy for righteousness. And you, Raven. How dare you say she is dangerous. If that were true, it’s because the universe was against her the entire time and she never had the choice to be anything else! And also, ‘we don’t need her at the moment’? What the hell does that mean? That she should just be ‘on call’ and when a hard decision arises, we let her know? She isn’t disposable and we need her, despite what the two of you may think!”  
It was muffled through the door, but she made out every word he said. Clarke hears him stomp away, but the footsteps are getting louder instead of softer. Next thing she knows, he is pounding on the door above her head. 

“Open up, Clarke.” 

“I’m fine. Go away,” she whimpers. Even if she wanted to stand and open the door, she couldn’t. The weight isn’t just settled on her shoulders anymore. It inserted itself into every cell of her body, weighing her down flat on the floor. 

“You’re not fine.” When she doesn’t answer Murphy says, “I’m leaving food outside your door. Eat all of it and find me tomorrow. You shouldn’t be alone again.” 

When she is sure he left, she breaks down in sobs again. She can’t believe how awful her life has gotten. These people were supposed to be her family, and they treat her like none of the past even matters. She made a poor choice going against them, but it was for Madi. She had no other option in her mind at the time. How can they hold that against her? The tears flow for hours, but once she dries up and the weight gets light enough to get on her feet, she climbs into bed. 

And she stays there. 

Clarke has no energy to get up and keep fighting the next morning. Nobody wants her there, so why do it? Raven is right. There are no life or death decisions to make anymore. They are finally at peace. 

Murphy comes back around noon. “Clarke! Come on!” Then in a softer tone, “Please, open the door. I’m getting worried out here.” 

“I’m fine, Murphy! Leave it out there and I will get it later!” she yells even though she knows she won’t. It takes all of her to even say those words, and they come out hoarse, as if she hasn’t used her voice for years. 

“I’m serious. If you haven’t eaten this food by tonight, I am breaking down this door and force feeding you!” 

Clarke knows she should feel better that someone cares enough to bring her food. To defend her to Echo and Raven. But she doesn’t feel anything. Any sliver of emotion she had after her mom died is gone. Her whole body is reserved for numbness. At least she can’t feel the crushing weight anymore. Despite her lack of energy, Clarke gets up and shoves the biggest dresser in front of the door. She knows Murphy will come back and she doesn’t want him to get in. 

Sitting on top of the chest at the foot of her bed is her gun. She walks over to it and slides her finger up and down the barrel. The coolness of the metal brings tears to her eyes. She isn’t needed. One pull of the trigger and everyone gets what they want. They wouldn’t have to worry about how dangerous they think she is or if she is going to turn against them again. It would all be over. Picking it up, she lays back down on her bed, gun on the pillow beside her, facing her.  
Murphy, true to his word, comes back at night and starts pounding on her door again. His voice is loud enough that it travels through the dresser, too. “I told you Clarke! I’m breaking this down and you will eat this food!” 

“Murphy, stop! Don’t come in! Everything is going to be fine in a moment,” Clarke yells as sobs tear through her chest. 

Outside, he stops. Does she mean what he thinks she does? She can’t do it. They can’t lose her. Despite what the others think. They will never survive without her. He has to stop her. “Clarke, don’t do it! I know it feels like this will never pass, but it will! You have me. You have Madi. For God’s sake you have Bellamy!” 

She gives a sad laugh. “Bellamy doesn’t want me. He has all the family he needs.” With every second she stares down the barrel of her own gun, the weight on her body lifts. It’s going to be over. Everyone can move on. Bellamy has his family, Murphy will get over it; he has Emori. Raven and Echo confirmed they don’t need her. Madi will be hurt, but Bellamy will take care of her. He promised he would. She palms the gun, her thumb resting on the trigger. One squeeze and it will be over. 

“We need you! I don’t care what anyone else says, Clarke! You need to be here and alive! You dying again will not solve anything.” His voice is raising in desperation. He hits the door until his knuckles bleed and kicks until splinters start flying. Why won’t the damn door go in?! 

“I’m sorry, Murphy.” It is quiet, but he hears it. He also hears the loud cock of a gun. No, no, no, no, no this can’t be happening. 

Clarke’s life starts playing in her mind. She remembers watching the soccer game with her dad, Wells, and his dad. She remembers her kiss with Finn and then watches herself stab him in the chest. She watches Lexa kiss her for the first time and then the life drain out of the bullet wound in her chest. She is going to see everyone she loved again. They are on the other side of this life and she can’t wait to see them. 

Clarke hears the splintering of the wood get louder and Murphy yelling at her, but she can’t hear what he is saying over the blood pounding in her ears. Her thumb twitches and tears stain her pillows. A few more minutes and she will be gone. 

Murphy doesn’t know when he started crying, but he can feel the wetness on his cheeks. He doesn’t have long before she goes through with this. “Clarke! Hold on, please! Let me get inside and we can talk!” 

“There’s nothing else to do. Just leave and let me go in peace.” There is a quiet calm to her voice now and he doesn’t like it. “Goodbye, Murphy. Thank you for caring.” 

“No!” He starts pounding harder, even when he thought he was already going as hard as he could. A voice downstairs grabs his attention. 

“What are you doing, Murphy?” Bellamy asks. Before he can answer though Bellamy notices his tears and takes the steps two at a time to get to him. 

“It’s Clarke. We have to stop her--” 

But he can’t finish because two sounds interrupt him. 

**BANG!**

_thud_

And it’s all over.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke takes her failed attempt as an opportunity to rejoin the group.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize in advance for making Echo such a bitch. I in no way like the character, but I don't believe she would actually act like this. For the story, though, I needed her to be bitchy.

Murphy sinks to his knees and sobs uncontrollably. He never understood how much the woman on the other side of the door meant to him until now. He had helped when Josephine took over and continued once he knew Clarke was still alive, but despite all of that, she still forgave him. Told him she was _proud_ of him. How could she do that? She forgives him and then offs herself thinking nobody cared? _He_ cared! 

Bellamy is the first to speak. “This can’t be happening. Not again...I’ve lost her _again._ ” He slides his back down the door and joins Murphy on the ground, ignoring the pain of splinters pricking him. His eyes are unfocused and lost. Neither of them is ready to see her lying motionless inside, skin growing pale and cold. 

“She hasn’t been the same since--” Murphy starts, but the slamming of the door below stops him. His rage brings him to his feet as he sees who is at the bottom of the stairs. 

“Hey!” Echo yells up at them. “We heard a shot! What’s going on?” 

“YOU DON’T GET TO KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON!” Murphy screams. 

“Calm down,” Bellamy tells him. “They were her friends.” 

“NO THEY WEREN’T! You have no idea, Bellamy, because you haven’t been around! They have been awful to her when she didn’t deserve it! After everything she has ever done for us, they still believe that she is _dangerous_ or _unimportant_ ,” he spits the words out like poison. Murphy looks at the girls downstairs again and hisses, “Do you want to tell him what you guys were saying last night, or should I?” 

Now Bellamy reacts, even though the place where his heart is supposed to be feels like a gaping, empty hole. “What is he talking about?” 

“No takers? Fine.” Murphy turns back to Bellamy, who is still sitting on the ground. “They couldn’t get off their high horses and admit that Clarke is the only reason we have survived all these years! They called her dangerous, not needed, unimportant. They said she isn’t useful unless there is a life or death decision to make! Not to mention your girlfriend’s sky-high jealousy.” 

Bellamy doesn’t know when the girls reached the top of the stairs, but at some point, he feels Echo’s hand on his knee. How can they be so unbelievably stupid? Not to mention completely wrong! He doesn’t watch her reaction as he jerks it from her grasp. “Go away, both of you. Let us mourn the loss of _our_ friend.” 

“Bellamy...” He barely registers Raven’s broken voice. 

“ _Go_.” He gets through to them and closes his eyes as they retreat down the steps. Seconds later, Murphy pulls him to his feet and into his arms. They stay this way for longer than either of them thought was possible but know they both need it. Clarke was everything to them, and now they have to figure out how to live without her. Again. Only one thing pulls them apart from their moment of silence. 

A choked sob coming from the other side of the door. 

The boys look at each other with disbelief. It doesn’t take long for them to start tearing the door down, and Murphy quickly realizes why he couldn’t get it in the first time. They shove the dresser out enough for both of them to squeeze through, and once they are both inside, they take in the scene. 

Clarke sits on her bed, not moving except for the shaking of her shoulders from tears. The gun is on the ground in front of her and a dark hole in the wall behind her where the bullet struck. All Bellamy wants to do is run over to her, gather her in his arms, and let her cry into his chest. He wants to take all her pain and transfer it over to him so she can get better. 

After a few seconds, Clarke notices them standing there. “What are you guys doing here? I thought you left?” Her voice is low and thick with emotion. 

“Left? Are you kidding? I have been pounding on this door begging for you to let me in!” Murphy knows he shouldn’t blow up like this but can’t help it. “We thought you were gone,” he adds softly. 

“I was going to,” her voice cracks. “I was seeing everyone that I loved and lost, and I was ready to see them again. But two people kept popping in my head. Two people that, no matter how much I missed everyone else, I couldn’t leave them.” 

She can hear the boys stifling their tears and it makes her soul shatter. She did this to them. And now they have to deal with it because she couldn’t go through with it. 

She is a burden. 

They would have been better off had she succeeded. 

How can she be a failure in everything she does? 

Why can’t she just...she is never good enough...maybe she is dangerous to them.... 

She can’t _breathe._

Clarke tries to catch her breath, but no amount of air satisfies her lungs. She can hear herself hyperventilating, but when Murphy and Bellamy come to her side, she scoots away from them on the bed. 

“Clarke?” Bellamy croaks. 

“Please...leave me alone...I will be fine.” She takes a moment and forces her breathes to slow and normalize. 

Murphy scoffs humorlessly. “You can’t possibly believe we are leaving you alone.” He studies her face and how her eyes flick between the two boys. Her gaze finally stops and locks with his, and he understands what she wants. 

“Hey, Bellamy,” Murphy starts. “Why don’t you get some food for Clarke? And take your time.” Bellamy opens his mouth to argue, so he continues, “Please. She needs it.” 

Clarke is more thankful for the space than the food she is going to be brought. He leaves the room to Murphy and Clarke, and once he is gone, she starts crying again. He slowly walks closer to test her reaction, and when she doesn’t recoil, he sits beside her and pulls her into his arms. 

“I’m so sorry, Clarke,” Murphy whispers into her hair. 

“I couldn’t take it anymore.” She pulls away but averts her eyes. “I should have been strong and spoke my mind, but I couldn’t bear pushing anyone else farther away. Except I accomplished that anyways because who is going to want to be around me now?” 

“I will, for starters. And anyone who doesn’t is crazy.” 

“Thank you, Murphy.” 

“I mean it. If you ever need someone to talk to, and I can imagine you will, come find me.” Murphy brings her back to his chest and lets her cry into his shirt. They stay this way until they hear heavy footsteps coming up the stairs. Clarke jumps out of his arms and dries her cheeks. 

Murphy rises and meets Bellamy at the door. They speak quietly, but she can make out their words. 

“Is she alright?” Bellamy asks. His voice is gruff, and it sounds like he may have been crying. 

“Of course she isn’t alright!” Murphy whisper-yells back at him, exasperated. She watches him take a deep breath and say, “She needs rest and food.” 

“I have her food, so I will give it to her.” Bellamy attempts to walk by, but Murphy stops him. 

“Here, let me.” He takes the plate with a big sandwich and a load of french fries from Bellamy. 

“Why can’t I-” 

Murphy knows he wants to see her and help, but Bellamy isn’t aware of how he hurt Clarke. She never told him explicitly, but the way she panicked when Bellamy got close and when she wouldn‘t make eye contact tells him enough. She needs to find him and talk to him when she is ready. “Bellamy, trust me. Let me give it to her, and I will make sure she eats all of it.” 

“Fine.” He looks like he wants to argue more, but he concedes and walks away. 

Murphy brings the tray of food over to Clarke and sets it in front of her. “Don’t even think about telling me you’re not hungry.” 

Clarke chuckles, “No, I suppose you wouldn’t believe me. Besides, I am a little hungry. But won’t you have some? There is a lot here.” 

“This is for you. It should make up for the days you haven’t eaten anything.” 

“I shouldn’t eat this much after so long without it. It will make me sick.” 

“Okay, fine.” Murphy huffs and picks up a couple fries. He stays and talks for hours. Murphy tells Clarke about life on the Ring, what happened between him and Emori, Monty’s “green is good” attitude. She recounted life in the valley from right after Praimfaya to being found by them. She told him about Madi and how she grew up to be so smart and caring. Clarke almost forgot that she nearly ended her life today. It’s been so long since she has talked to someone like this. No strings, no choices, just pleasant conversation. This is what peace is supposed to feel like, and she finally feels like she can make it through this. 

“If I leave, can I trust you won’t try anything again?” 

If he had asked earlier, she’s not sure she could’ve said no. But now, after regaining a sense of normality, she is sure that this won’t be happening again. “Yes. I will be fine, I promise.” A quick, mild panic courses through her. “Does Madi know what happened?” 

“No. The only people that know are me, Bellamy, Echo, and Raven. I won’t tell Emori if you don’t want me to, but she will know something is wrong when she sees me. She’s already asked me before, but I haven’t said anything.” 

Clarke sighs with relief. Madi will not find out because she needs to be strong for her daughter. She doesn’t want to force Murphy to keep her secret, though. Not from Emori. “You can tell her. She is the most important person to you. You shouldn’t have any secrets.” 

Murphy smiles and kisses her temple. “Get some sleep, you deserve it.” He replaces the dresser on his way out. Clarke lays under the covers and thinks about her plans tomorrow. She is torn between trying to reintegrate herself with the group or letting them come to her. They are the ones in the wrong, so why do they deserve to be forgiven first? She is always the first to forgive. But maybe that would be the best step? Show them that she truly wants to be part of the family (not that she should have ever been considered out of the family). 

Ugh! 

There are so many things to think about and it only confuses her. She is about to finally close her eyes when the dresser moves. She is afraid it’s Bellamy trying to get a late night apology in, but a much smaller form fills the hole in the door instead. 

“Hey, Madi.” 

“What happened? Are you okay?” She joins her mother in her bed and snuggles to her chest. 

Clarke bites her tongue on every reason why she’s not okay and says instead, “For some reason the doorknob jammed, and I couldn’t get out. I had to have Murphy and Bellamy smash it in.” 

“Oh, so that’s why their hands are so bruised?” 

“Yup. And then, since I didn’t have a decent door, I used my dresser to cover it.” 

“That’s smart.” 

“What’s on your mind, kid?” She hopes someone didn’t send Madi to check up on her. It’s only been an hour or so since Murphy left. 

“I wanted to apologize for not spending a lot of time with you. It’s just, back home we never had access to a lot of things that we do now, and I wanted to learn about them. Raven and Echo have been teaching me, mostly Raven.” 

Does she like that Madi has valued her time with Raven more than hers lately? No. Can she deny her child the answers to curiosities that this world has exposed her to? Of course not. She would never forgive herself for chaining Madi in a bubble like that, and she already has plenty to forgive herself for. 

“I love you, Madi. If I ever thought you were in real danger with what you were doing, I would never allow it. I also trust you would listen to me if I brought up any doubts.” 

“Of course, Mom.” Madi’s voice sounds tired, so Clarke gently rubs her back until her breaths slow and even out. She can’t believe she almost left this little girl alone. She already lost parents once. She already lost _Clarke_ once. It was a miracle that she defeated Josephine and came back, but a bullet to the head? There is no returning from that. Clarke places a kiss on her daughter’s head and falls asleep herself. For the first time in forever, the weight on her shoulders isn’t weighing her down. It’s almost as if it’s not there anymore. 

The next morning, Clarke feels more refreshed than she has in years. Madi isn’t next to her anymore, so she must be down having breakfast. Once she rolls out of her comfy bed, she changes into new clothes and throws the old ones in the trash. She will never forget what happened yesterday but having one less reminder is all the better. 

She descends the stairs with a newfound confidence she didn’t think was possible. Clarke knows she isn’t magically better, but the only way is up, and she is willing to work for it. When she arrives downstairs, her eyes immediately find Bellamy’s in the group of his, no their, friends. They are red and there are bags under them making Clarke believe he never slept last night. The same alarm that she felt yesterday when he was crying for her rises in her chest. 

_Don’t panic_ , she tells herself. _You are fine and nothing is wrong._

Instead of sitting with them, she heads to the other side of the room. After taking a minute to breath and calm herself down, a tray of food is set in front of her. 

“Hey, Clarke.” Murphy and Emori say in unison as they sit opposite her. 

“Why’d you bring me a burger? Since when are they on the breakfast menu?” 

Emori smiles and tells her, “They aren’t. It’s 12:30. You slept through breakfast, which is a shame because my omelet was fantastic.” 

“I really slept all morning?” She knew she felt good, but she didn’t think she was out for that long. 

“You deserved every minute of it. How are feeling?” Murphy’s tone is serious, so she knows he wants a serious answer. 

“Every one of my nerves is pulled taut, and I want to run from everything. I feel like I am going to be overwhelmed if I push myself, but I don’t want to feel like this forever.” 

Emori says, “It won’t be forever, and you don’t have to push yourself. You have us. We will be with you every step of the way.” 

“I love you guys.” Clarke finishes lunch and hangs out with Murphy and Emori for the rest of the day exploring Sanctum. 

\----------------- 

It’s been nearly two weeks since Clarke’s...incident. She hasn‘t skipped a meal to hide out in her room, hasn’t freaked out when she makes eye contact with one of the group, and hasn’t distanced herself further from them. In fact, every couple days or so, she sat in a spot closer to their table until lunch today when her spot is at the table directly next to theirs. Murphy and Emori give her breathing space by sitting at the edge of their table so there is still space between Clarke and them. 

If Clarke said she wasn’t listening to their conversations while they all ate, she would be lying, and Murphy would know that as well. Multiple times he looks at her to see if she wants to join in, but every time she subtly shakes her head. He winks to let her know he understands and continues with his meal. This last time this happens, though, her gaze automatically flicks to Bellamy, and he sees it. Before anyone else notices, she looks away and suppresses the tears that want to come out. Why can’t she just talk to him? 

After the meal, she decides to go a step further. As Raven and Madi are walking out the door, Clarke steps in stride with them. “What are you guys up to today?” 

Madi’s eyes brighten at the inquiry. “Raven is going to teach me some more coding. Right?” 

Clarke finds Raven staring at her. She starts to worry she isn’t wanted, but she tells herself it’s because she has been so distanced lately. Raven is only surprised that she is trying. “Um, yeah. The computers here have Python, which is a simple programming language that is great for beginners.” 

“Sounds cool. Can I watch?” Clarke asks. 

“Of course, Clarke. You don’t need permission.” Raven still looks skeptical but jerks her head towards a building across the street. This is going to be fine. 

Once they arrive, Madi excitedly opens the program and Raven pulls out a piece of paper. “Do these problems. They start easy but will get harder as you succeed. If you have any questions, ask. Got it?” 

“Got it.” That is all Madi says before concentrating on the screen. When she is busy, Raven starts her own work. Clarke wonders if she invited herself to a day of silence. She sits next to her daughter and watches her work and rework a problem many times. She must’ve gotten to the hard ones already. 

“Having trouble?” she asks. She knows she probably can‘t help, but she needs to do something other than waiting and watching. 

“This one is tricky. I have one list that contains random words, some repeated. What I have to do is create another list that has each word one time followed by how many times it is in the original list. The problem is I can’t get each word to appear in the new list only once. The count is right, but the list is the same as the old list.” 

Clarke studies the screen. She knows nothing about coding, but one thing is standing out. Pointing to the screen she says, “There you use an ‘if’ command to do...something. Is there such a command for the opposite?” 

Madi’s brows scrunch together and a laugh comes from behind them. They both turn to find Raven with her elbow on the desk and her hand resting on her hand while chuckling to herself. 

“She’s right.” Raven says quietly. 

Did Clarke hear that correctly? Did Raven just say she was right? 

“Use the ‘if not’ command to add things to a different list. Take it from there, Madi.” Raven then locks eyes with Clarke and leaves the room, a silent instruction to follow. So she does. 

When Clarke meets her outside, she asks, “What was so funny?” 

“The fact that you have no knowledge of computer programs, yet you caught on to this by looking at code for ten seconds.” 

“I’m confused. Am I supposed to apologize? Because quite frankly, I’m tired of apologizing.” 

“As you should be.” 

Clarke feels anger bubble in her chest before she processes what Raven just said. “What?” 

“Wait.” Raven peeks her head in the door and tells Madi they are going to get them all some water from the pub. Once they get there, Raven continues, “What I mean is it’s my turn to apologize.” 

Clarke stares at her but doesn’t say anything. 

“When you betrayed us in the valley, it hurt. We were supposed to be on the same side, like we had been since landing on Earth the first time. I didn’t consider Madi or how your relationship shaped your choices. All I saw was you going against us.” 

“Raven, you know I--” 

“I know. It kept Madi safe and that’s all that mattered at the time. My point is, since then I have been angry with you and awful to you. You were doing what you thought was right and I hated you for it because it pitted us against each other.” Raven takes a deep breath and Clarke notices the moisture brimming her eyes. “I have taken for granted our ability to get through our problems. In the past when either of us did something wrong, we always made up. It may have been hard, but it always happened.” 

“When we heard the shot and saw Murphy and Bellamy crying outside your door, the first thing that came to my mind was that we didn’t make up, and I didn’t get to apologize for the behavior I knew was wrong. You died thinking I hated you. No matter what I said, what you heard that night, you have never been dangerous or unimportant. I don’t know how I could have even thought those things even if I was angry. If it wasn’t for you, we wouldn’t be alive. I don’t know if anyone has thanked you for that.” Raven takes her hand. “Thank you, Clarke. For everything. Besides Finn, you and your mom were the closest family I’ve ever had.” 

Clarke bear hugs her. She doesn‘t think, she just does it. They embrace until Clarke feels her shoulder become wet with Raven’s tears. “I love you, Raven. You have been a sister to me, and you always will be. I’m not going to lie and say I’m not still upset, but this is a big step forward. We will be good again.” 

Raven pulls back and dries her cheeks. “I’m okay with that. We should head back, Madi’s probably wondering where we are.” They go back and watch Madi complete the list of problems she was given. Clarke tries to help whenever she can, but it looks like her luck ran out after that one time. The three girls laugh with each other for the rest of the day. They decide to take a late meal so Clarke can show them her favorite places around the grounds. 

On their way back to finally eat, Raven suddenly asks, “When are you going to talk to Bellamy?” 

The question stops her in her tracks. Madi yells from her distance in front of them, “Come on guys! We need to get food before the kitchen closes!” 

“Go ahead and order us all a pizza!” Raven shouts back. Madi smiles and sprints to the pub. 

“Well?” 

“I don’t know. I don’t know what to say.” 

“Oh please, it’s you two. You don’t have to say anything and you forgive each other.” Clarke smiles at Raven’s words. 

“That’s the worst part! We forgave each other before everything turned bad here. He was the only one that had. But now that we have peace, he has distanced himself from me, and I don’t even know why! I’m scared to talk to him because I don’t want to hear him say things.” 

“What kinds of things?” 

Silence. 

“Ah, those things. You don’t want to hear him say that he is glad you are okay so that you can still be best friends while Echo is still attached to his hip,” Raven concludes. How can she know Clarke so well? Is it that obvious? 

“I’m afraid he is going to think less of me because of what I did. And as for those other things you mentioned, I would never intentionally split him and Echo up. I may not like her very much given our history, but they seem good together.” 

“They were,” Raven says bluntly. “But that was when she was helping through his grief from losing you. I’m not saying he doesn’t love her, but even the start of their relationship involved you.” 

“That doesn’t make me feel better.” 

Raven shrugs one shoulder and says, “It’s the truth.” 

They continue walking towards their food source when Bellamy steps through the doors and spots them. Clarke stops, so Raven steps in from of her. “Just talk to him, Clarke.” 

“But--” She watches Bellamy walk towards them. 

“I won’t force you. If you want to run, I will cover for you, but I strongly recommend you do. What do you say?” 

Clarke slowly fills her lungs and releases. He is getting closer. “Fine, I will try. But if this goes wrong, I blame you.” 

“I will put it on my tab of apologies. And by the way, nothing would ever make him think less of you.” With that, Raven heads inside to join Madi. 

“How are you doing?” He asks when he gets to her. 

“I’m doing okay. I hung out with Raven and Madi all day and that was fun. I haven’t used the word fun in forever.” She smiles at him and silently thanks Raven for pushing her to do this. 

“I’m glad. You deserve to be happy.” 

This is it. She wants to know what has separated them so much since they defeated the Primes. “Bellamy, can I ask you a question?” 

“Of course, you--” 

“Bellamy!” Clarke’s blood runs cold. It was already hard enough to start a conversation with him, but now Echo is coming? She tries to control her breathing as the other girl latches her hand on his elbow. Even Bellamy looks slightly annoyed. 

“What’s up?” he asks in a tone not matching his facial expression. 

“The government of Sanctum wants to see you.” 

“Really? At this hour?” He doesn’t believe they want to meet with him right now. The only thing he can think of is Murphy accusing Echo of her intense jealousy for Clarke. 

To his, and her own, surprise, Clarke asks, “Is there anything I can do to help?” 

Bellamy is about to say something, but Echo interrupts him and drills her eyes into Clarke’s. “No. They didn’t ask for you, they asked for him. They don’t _need you._ ” 

Her breath quickens, and her blood pounds. She is back at that night two weeks ago, standing behind the stairs, listening to them say how unimportant she is. She relives every feeling that went with those words. She watches as she pulls the trigger but moves the gun so it hits behind her. She can’t do this again, so she does the only thing she can think of. 

She runs.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One last Echo-shaped problem is resolved.

_They didn’t ask for you._

_They don’t_ need _you._

Clarke sprints away from Echo and her harsh words. She doesn’t know where she is going, but after a couple minutes, she reaches the last building before the fields. Leaning heavily on the side, Clarke heaves her lunch onto the ground. The bile burns her throat, but it’s nothing compared to what she is feeling emotionally. Echo knew just where to hit and how hard. 

Heavy footsteps make her look back to where Bellamy and Echo are standing. She watches Bellamy start jogging towards her. Despite knowing they need to talk, and it was going well before Echo showed up, her flight response kicks in. She takes off again. This time, she heads towards the one place no one will be able to follow without help. The radiation shield. 

“Clarke! Wait!” she hears Bellamy yell halfway through the field. It‘s a good thing the rows are so wide and straight because the tears in Clarke’s eyes makes it nearly impossible to see. 

She hears, feels, Bellamy getting closer, but Echo’s voice stops him. “Bellamy! Would you stop and listen to me!” 

“No! I’m done listening to you tonight,” he spits at her. “Go back. You’ve done enough.” 

Clarke listens to his footsteps quicken as she reaches the shield. As if in slow motion, when she runs through it, Bellamy’s fingers brush hers while trying to grab her hand. She can’t tell if the sparks she feels come from their connection or the radiation. Either way, he pulls back in time so he doesn’t get burned. 

“Clarke, please stop.” His eyes plead with her to talk to him, so she wracks her brain to come up with something. The barrier between them helps, but she is still panicked. 

“I will be fine, Bellamy. I just need space. It’s okay, you can go back.” 

“It‘s not okay! She had no right to say those things, and I’m not leaving until we talk.” 

“Please, just let me cool down. I will come back, I promise.” Clarke knows she is telling the truth, but she can understand why he is hesitant. The weight she felt before she pulled the trigger comes back. She feels herself being the cause of Bellamy’s pain and she can’t handle it. He deserves so much more than getting hurt over and over again. 

She doesn’t feel the sensation of falling, only the hard ground under her hands and knees. Her breaths come rapidly as the tears finally fall. 

“Clarke!” Bellamy calls and gets as close to the shield as he dares. “Come back to this side! All I want to do is help, but I can’t do that with this killer wall between us!” 

Clarke shifts to sit on the ground and pulls her knees into her chest, trying to control her breathing. “I know...you want...to help.” 

“Then please...”

“I can’t, Bellamy.” She strains to see him through her blurry vision, but she thinks she catches his pained expression. They wait in silence until she can speak normally again, and Bellamy never moves a muscle from his stance. He body is tense, but his eyes are sad. “When we won, you said we would work through this together. We would navigate this new world, this culture, _together_. But then you were being pulled in a million directions and I wasn’t. Hell, I was pushed out of the picture entirely! I was aware it was going to be an adjustment, but I thought you would at least come back!” 

“I tried. I tried so hard to let you in on what was happening, but nobody would let me. And I could never find you.” 

“You couldn’t have tried that hard to look for me because I was always either in my room or walking around the grounds. And since when do people let Bellamy Blake do anything?” She can feel her anger start to flow inside her instead of sadness, and she is suddenly on her feet. “Why didn’t you fight for me?” 

Bellamy steps back as if her anger pushes him. “I’m so sorry. I don’t know why I couldn’t go against what they told me to do. I guess I didn’t want to create more trouble right after everything that happened. It was wrong. _I_ was wrong. We could never have survived it without you.” 

Clarke watches him swipe away a stray tear and look away from her, but the weight of his pain doesn’t return to her shoulders. She looks at his sagged posture and downcast eyes and feels like they are finally on the same page again. It’s unfortunate that it is rooted in so much grief and sorrow, but they are there together, just like they are meant to be. Her heart guiding her, she steps through the shield. 

Bellamy hears the zap signaling her return to his side and looks at her. She throws her hands around his neck and he is in Arkadia again, all those years ago, getting welcomed by her running embrace. The only difference between then and now? No hesitation from him to reciprocate. His arms gather her in to his chest, and he presses his nose into the crook of her neck. Her skin buzzes with energy against his, but all too soon, she breaks away from him. 

“I’m sorry, Bellamy.” 

“What are you sorry for?” he asks, genuinely confused. 

She doesn’t want to talk about it again, but she feels he deserves an apology. “I’m sorry for two weeks ago. I never should have done that. All it did was cause you and Madi pain.” 

“Don’t do that. Don’t apologize for feeling pain when no one was paying enough attention to see it and help.” 

Clarke doesn‘t know what to say, so she buries her face in his chest. Bellamy welcomes it. They stand there, savoring the freedom they can have together with no prying eyes looking down on them. After what seems like hours, they pull away. 

“Why don’t we get that dinner you, Raven, and Madi were heading towards?” he asks. 

“Sounds great, I’m starving.” They turn back toward Sanctum and walk in silence through the field. Their arms swing by their sides, but occasionally their fingers brush against each other’s, and Clarke feels electricity between them. Right now, it’s progress to Clarke that they are back to normal. She can fight her feelings some other time. 

\------------------------------------ 

Clarke wakes up from the first full night’s sleep she’s had in a long time. After last night, she wasn’t sure that would happen. Things were getting better, but then Echo came in and upset her progress. Bellamy’s help after, though, made her calm down and now she can feel confident in joining the group, officially, at their table, for breakfast. 

She sits down next to Murphy and soon after, Raven arrives at her other side. There is a small tension in the air, but she ignores it and tries to make conversation instead. 

“Good morning,” Clarke greets. 

A mix of “heys” and "hellos” return to her. She glances at Murphy and notices a small smile on his face. He is happy she is with them. Actually, as she looks around, they all look like they are glad she is with them. Madi can’t stop grinning, Raven winks at her, and Emori looks just like Murphy. The only people not at the table are Bellamy and Echo. 

“What happened last night?” Raven asks quietly. Madi pretends not to pay attention, but Clarke knows her too well and can tell she is listening. “You were talking to Bellamy but never came in to eat. Then Echo came in looking annoyed as hell, and I never saw you again until now.” 

“Bellamy and I talked, like you suggested. It didn’t start very well, but the end was okay.” 

“So you guys are good?” 

“I think so. I don’t know. I hope so,” Clarke admits. 

Raven looks like she wants to say something else, but approaching footsteps quiets her. Echo and Bellamy, who are pointedly not looking at each other, arrive last to the table with their trays of food. A few moments of palpable silence pass. 

“What’s everyone doing today?” Emori asks. 

Madi speaks first, “Raven said I should have a day away from the computer, so I am going to try and make some friends with the other kids.” 

“I’m proud of you,” Clarke says with a warm smile. 

“We are going to walk around and explore,” says Murphy. 

“Don’t you guys do that every day?” Raven asks? “I’m going to mess around with the computers to see what I can find. Maybe something about the time they came from back on Earth.” 

Murphy stares Raven down and imitates her voice, “Don’t you do that every day?” 

“Haha very funny.” 

“There’s nothing wrong with knowing every corner of the place you live, even if you don’t anticipate danger anymore.” They take in his words quietly. He’s got a point, but for once it would be nice to not ever think about having to solely survive, but to live. To finally get to experience life without threats to their lives. 

“I’m going to find a spot and draw it. Maybe paint it, I don’t know, whatever materials I decide to use. I want to see the beauty of this place rather than the pain of since we arrived.” She is greeted with blank stares and wonders if she said something wrong. “What?” 

At the last second, she watches Bellamy’s lip curl into a barely-there smile. Ignoring the daggers coming from Echo’s gaze, he says, “Sounds amazing. I’m glad you want to do something you enjoy.” 

His eyes lock with Clarke’s and stay that way until someone says, “Well, I guess it’s time to go. Lot’s of things and stuff to do on this wonderful day.” No doubt it was Murphy, but it is enough to break her eye contact with Bellamy. When everyone but Clarke, Bellamy, and Echo are gone, Echo leans over and whispers something to Bellamy. He nods and is led up the stairs by his girlfriend. 

Clarke finishes her breakfast and heads to her room. She wants to inventory her art supplies to see what she should use this afternoon. She was given these items after the battle was over. She didn’t know whether to take it, since they had just taken so much from them, or accept it as a normal gift. Trying not to cause trouble, she took them and stored them in her room. 

As she reaches the top of the stairs, he can hear muffled shouting coming from down the hall. Clarke stops in her doorway for a second and listens to the noise. She can’t hear anything specific, but she knows it’s getting bad. All of a sudden the voices stop and the door is creaked gently open. Echo walks out, slowly, to reveal Bellamy sitting on his bed with his head in his hands. 

Clarke watches Echo go down the stairs and then looks back to Bellamy. He is watching her now, faint evidence of moisture on his cheek. He gets up, assumingly to come talk to her, but she goes to find Echo instead. It’s time to end this. 

She walks out the tavern but doesn’t find the other girl quickly. It takes a minute of scanning the grounds before she spots Echo walking around the corner of a house. Clarke quickens her steps and follows the same path. 

“Can you leave me alone?” Echo pleads when Clarke gets close enough to hear. She stops and leans her shoulder against the house. 

“Can we talk?” Clarke doesn’t do anything but stand there, nerves on fire. 

“I have nothing to talk to you about. Besides, you and I both know you would much rather be with him right now.” 

Clarke doesn’t need to ask to know who she is talking about. “This isn’t about him.” 

Echo rolls her eyes. “Since when has it not been?” 

“What are you talking about? He is my best friend and we have been through so much, but I have never tried to get between you two.” 

“That’s just it! You don’t need to try! It just happens and there is nothing I can do or say to stop it. Why can’t you just let us be happy?” 

“Why can’t you accept that my desire to be considered everyone’s family again doesn’t have anything to do with being with Bellamy?” She isn’t lying to Echo; Clarke would never harm everyone’s bond just to satisfy her own heart. But Clarke can’t lie to herself about how she feels for Bellamy. Maybe it’s doing more harm than good, but she needs everything to be back to normal. As normal is it can get anyways, and if her love life is a compromise, so be it. 

“Why would I believe that? I might if he didn’t spend his time worrying about you, or thinking about you, or watching you.” 

“That sounds like a problem you have with him, not me. Echo, I can’t cut him out of my life just because you feel threatened! He has been there since the beginning, since we landed on Earth the first time. He was my co-leader and we did everything to keep the delinquents safe. We may not need to be clear cut leaders here, but that bond does not die easily.” 

“I’m not saying you can never talk to him again, but why not--” 

“I don’t think you get it. When you all went to space, which I don’t blame anyone for leaving me behind, I had no one. I spent 42 days in the lighthouse, and then, when I expected to get everyone out of the bunker, I found it totally inaccessible! I didn’t have anyone. I went all over the place scrounging for food, water, different parts for different things. I felt like I was going insane. By a microscopic stroke of luck, I arrived in the valley and made my home. I found Madi, but I never forgot my family in space. Bellamy, you all, kept me alive for six years without even knowing it.” 

Echo is quiet when she is done. Clarke lets out a slow breath and feels herself get lighter with all that let out. 

“I’m sorry,” Echo says sheepishly. “I didn’t think about this from your point of view. I’ve never had people to call family like this after my parents died.” 

“I would never do anything to hurt any of you on purpose.” 

“I know, I truly do. I guess I may have been a little jealous of your connection with Bellamy. It took him 3 years for him to forgive me and one look, one conversation with you and it’s instant. I have been pretty nasty to you, haven’t I?” 

Clarke chuckles despite their mood. “I mean, yes, but Bellamy isn’t the only person I ever forgive.” 

“Clarke, I am so sorry I drove you to...well you know. I never believed for one second we would be better off without you, and I never should have said anything like it.” 

Clarke walks up to Echo and gives her a hug, less awkward than last time now that they have talked. “Thank you.” They separate and Echo turns to walk away. “You don’t want to go back and get a drink?” 

Echo smiles. “No, I think I will walk around for a bit, but thanks.” 

“If you ever need anything, you can always talk to me.” 

“Thank you.” She turns away from Echo, but her voice makes her look back again. “Oh, Clarke?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Bellamy and I broke up. That’s what you heard before you followed me here. As bad as it sounded, we are on better terms than you may think. So, if there’s anything you want to say to him, you can.” 

“If you broke up, why keep asking me to leave you guys alone and be happy?” Clarke asks with furrowed brows. 

“I wanted to hear it from you, your feelings for him. But as much as I pushed, you never admitted it.” Echo’s eyes glint and she smirks, sadly. “Not that I believe any of what you said, but I don’t think you believe in how much you care for him.” 

Clarke is stunned and she can’t think of anything to say before Echo walks away, leaving her standing beside the house alone. 

Thirty minutes later, Clarke is sitting on a cliff overlooking the fields and forest of Sanctum. It’s beautiful, open space reminds her of some parts of her home in the valley. She settled on her regular sketchbook to capture the moment the suns are setting. She has a big box of colored pencils along with her sketching pencils, and she plans on spending all night here. When she can’t see her paper anymore, she will be done. It will give her ample time to think over what Echo said and what she should do about Bellamy. 

Should she go and comfort him over the breakup? Clarke has no doubt he loved Echo, but she’s not sure she could handle her feelings at this point. Bellamy canalways see right through her, and why would he want to start anything with her following the end of a three-year relationship? Or, maybe he does feel the same she does and doesn’t care about the timing. But, it’s Bellamy and he always cares. 

This is why she is drawing until dark. Distraction. 

Even as the suns set, Sanctum is a magnificent place to look out on. The small lights from the city cast even smaller, but noticeable, shadows onto the fields. They dance between the rows and the faint green glow of the Anomaly is visible in the trees. She is busy reveling in the view that she doesn’t hear the footsteps come up behind her. 

“You okay?” the deep voice belonging to Bellamy asks. 

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that question?” Clarke looks at him and doesn’t find the ghost of tears or sagged posture when he sits next to her. She tries not to focus on how close he is. 

“I will be okay. It was bound to happen eventually.” 

“Why do you say that?” 

Bellamy gives a sad smile and brushes a stray hair out of her face. She wonders if he let his fingers linger on her cheek or if it is her imagination. “Someone else has occupied my thoughts for the last hundred years or so.” 

Butterflies stir in Clarke’s stomach. Is this really happening? She looks out towards the trees and attempts to say something that won’t sound stupid when it comes out. “Did you guys break up because of me?” 

Well there goes not sounding stupid. 

Bellamy sighs. “Long story short, yes. Short story long, she knew how I’ve felt about you for years, probably even before what happened on Earth before Praimfaya. When we thought you were dead, I thought I had to move on. Not right away, but I couldn‘t let it consume me because the others needed me. I eventually forgave Echo and she helped me through my grief for you. I loved Echo, that was never a lie, but when we found you alive in the valley, a spark ignited in me, and I knew I was never truly over you.” 

“You don’t have to say this if you aren’t ready. You just broke up with your girlfriend hours ago,” says Clarke. “There is no need to rush into anything.” 

“But there is! I have never had the guts to tell you how I’ve felt and you have ‘died’ at least three times! I can’t go through that again, so if something were to happen to you or me tomorrow, you would know that I-” Clarke can feel his eyes looking straight into her soul, and he takes a deep breath. “That I love you, Clarke. And I know it seems too soon to say that, but I promise you it’s the opposite. It’s been way too long for you to hear these words.” 

Clarke feels the prickling of new tears at the corner of her eyes when she replies, “I love you too, Bellamy.” She threads her fingers between his and leans her head on his shoulder. There is no space between their bodies as they look out over the darkening horizon. They should probably go back to the tavern before it’s too dark to see, but neither of them care about that right now. All they need is each other and nothing is going to get between them again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you liked it, and sorry it took so long for this last chapter. School and work took over my life for a while.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos appreciated!


End file.
